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The best letter I've ever received

What would we be doing? How would we be spending these days?
This piece was originally published on Interosity. Read & discuss on Substack →

Many of us had a very difficult time in high school, but at the end of the day, one thing was quite easy: we had a very concrete goal in mind.

And that goal was to get into a good college.

At the end of the day, while the goal may have been hard to achieve, the steps to do so were quite clear: get high grades, play sports, join clubs, volunteer, start a charity, and write some banger admissions essays.

And for many students (myself definitely included), we figured that we’d figure out what to do with our lives once we got to college. “I’m not too sure what I want to do with my life right now”, we tell ourselves. “But once I get to college, I’ll find out.”

This leads us to work very hard in high school to get into an amazing university (like UCLA), but as soon as we arrive there, we find ourselves to be completely lost. All of a sudden, the goal we’ve had our entire lives—to get into a great college—is gone, leaving a feeling of profound emptiness and existential dread in its place.

I felt this feeling like crazy during the first quarter of my freshman year, and I had some crazy mental health issues at the time as a result. But fortunately (and something I’m extremely grateful for to this day), my family and my roommates Gilbert and Matthew were there for me during the entire time, and made sure that I came out on the other side.

It was about a month into my first quarter at UCLA that I was truly struggling—I was completely burnt out from being in NROTC (the Naval Reserve Officer Training Corps, which I was in at the time), struggling in all of my classes (I went from online covid high school to in-person UCLA quarter system classes), and to top it all off, was struggling through a long-distance relationship with my high school girlfriend who went to a different school.

In the midst of all of this, my 18th birthday happened, and my roommate Matthew wrote me one of the kindest notes I’ve ever received.

I wanted to share this with you, my dear reader, as it has helped me through many dark times over the years. I truly hope it can do the same for you.

Best,
Dennis :)

September 30, 2021

Dennis,

Happy birthday! I wanted to write you this using my handwriting, but I'm afraid my writings are not legible. So bear with my typing. I want to let you know that you are the perfect roommate to me. Your cheerfulness and extraversion perfectly balances out my gloom and introversion. You also have an awesome capacity for bringing people together. Within a week, we already have a cohort of six with you, Simon, Sam, Q, Gilbert, and me. This is something that l've rarely experienced in my life, and I'm glad you made that possible.

But recently, I noticed you are having some life troubles that's been eating away at you: uncertainty about the future, stress from work, homesickness, relationship troubles, feeling left behind by your peers, and constant self-doubt. Many of these have troubled me greatly as well. Though, I cannot speak on them because I do not have the wisdom to advise you. So, beyond the physical gifts [a very interesting novel on economics], I want to impart some words from someone wiser than me. They may not solve your issues at hand, but they—for me at least—can provide the strength to suffer through this difficult time and restore your will:

“… if at this moment you and I, and all our companions, were not aboard these ships, in the midst of the sea, in this unknown solitude, in a condition as uncertain and risky as you please; what other situation in life would we find ourselves in? What would we be doing? How would we be spending these days? Do you think, more happily? Or would we not rather be in some greater trouble or anxiety, or else full of boredom? ...Even if we gain no other benefit from this voyage, it seems to me that it is most profitable to us, in that for a while it keeps us free of boredom, renders life dear to us, and makes us value many things that we would not otherwise take into account." (Giacomo Leopardi)

This is the situation that I like to imagine you and I are in—on a voyage, sailing far, facing violent storms and colossal waves. But these tribulations are never grounds to remain ashore because in our troubles and anxieties, we encounter the gravitas and exhilaration of life. However, that still doesn't rob our sufferings of their reality; if you need to cry, shout, or talk, do so freely. It's only human.

Ultimately, I know you have within you the strength to see this journey through. If you ever stumble (which everyone does), I'll be there to support you. And if I do, I hope you could do the same for me. I'm glad to have you aboard this enterprise. We will accomplish great things.

Best wishes to you,

Matthew